For better or worse, politics are in the paw front of our daily lives. Small wonder we the people panic over choosing the right leaders, from government officials to the head of the PTA, or even a book club president.
But maybe we ought to consider a candidate that has influenced royalty for centuries: The cat.
Felines have observed the rise and fall of many regimes, from chasing vermin in Pharaoh’s palace to lounging with White House presidents such as Teddy Roosevelt and Bill Clinton.
With their nine lives’ experience, level-headedness, superior intellect, and haw-eyed powers of attention, cats have internalized ages of winning strategies that work in politics and life. Ipso facto, cats are the wisest creatures to influence politics.
Unfortunately, a recent Quinipi-cat survey revealed that cats would rather sleep than run for any type of office.
So, what’s a constituent to do?
I suggest those privileged enough to share their lives with cats join me in introducing them to public servitude. Someday, in the not-too-distant future, we may have more cats willing to stop chasing mice in favor of running the political rat race.
Until we cultivate such civic-minded kitties, the next best thing to do is vote for candidates who possess a cat’s wholesome characteristics and democratic attitudes.
With this in mind, I have made a list of attributes I feel voters should consider when choosing any candidate:
- Favor peace-loving candidates. Forget those who engage in macho shows of aggression or bravado. Hissing, spitting, and baring fangs indicate immaturity.
- Look for someone who appreciates voters. Rubbing against constituents’ legs shows this person will have your back.
- Embrace candidates who exude civility. Avoid contenders who bite their opponents.
- Avoid politicians known for “catting around.”
- Support candidates who can handle themselves when dining. Those who groom themselves at state dinners, or walk around with salmon canapes in their whiskers, or beg for second helpings of ice cream should not be considered at all cost.
- Finally, pick a candidate whose loyalty and allegiance are to their constituents, not up for grabs by any lobbyist who gives them treats.
Think wisely and vote on!