Horoscopes for September & October 2022

Mercury is retrograding — but that’s not always a bad thing!

Illustrations by Jess Hock ~ 


ARIES (March 21–April 20)

Dear Ram: Around the middle of September, you may find roadblocks and restrictions in the way of your plans. The best thing you can do is lean into this transit for a few weeks and not headbutt your way through conflict. Save your energy and take it to the bedroom, where it will count most. If single, let your best friend set you up with that someone they’ve been telling you about. Now is the time for love, not war!


TAURUS (April 20–May 21)

You bullheaded beast, you’ve been working hard, and it will pay off. Your lucky streak could bring you a big windfall on top of it all! With Mercury retrograding in Libra for a few weeks, you may have an old flame pop back into the picture, creating all kinds of emotional chaos. You might even get to pick up right where you left off — and even seal the deal! Try not to overindulge because those extra midnight bonbons may widen the load.


GEMINI (May 21–June 21)

Your gift of gab can usually get you out of any situation, but it may be out of service for a few weeks. Although you are quite the charmer, your points might come across garbled. You love to talk, but this might be the time to write a letter and hand deliver it for a better effect. You’ll seem as clever as ever in being so old school! Remember: Before you speak, think — then think again!


CANCER (June 21–July 23)

You little shy creature! You were doing so well at being social. Now, you’re trying to hide from the admirers you collected over the summer while basking in the ocean like a mermaid! You’ll run hot and cold during this retrograding Mercury cycle as the tides ebb and flow. The ones who truly know you will understand your need for alone time, and it will help weed out all the unnecessary barnacles clinging on the side. You are too beautiful to hide away for very long, and you will feel livelier as we move into October.


LEO (July 23–August 23)

OK, kitty-cat: It’s time to purrrfect your busy schedule and make room for some fun! You don’t do well with so much seriousness, and this is an excellent time to hit the town and strut your fur. Now is the time for creativity; finish that art project you started five years ago! These next two months could be a game-changer, and that project could turn into a whole new career!


VIRGO (August 23–September 23)

For the love of all things holy, please let your hair down and stop fooling around with perfecting everything you encounter! Now is not the time to miss great opportunities that could bring you prosperity and fulfillment. Being methodical can be a blessing and a curse; although you are the logistics master, something has been missing for a long time. What is it? A life! People think you’re interesting. It’s time you start to think so, too!


LIBRA (September 23–October 23)

I know you love balance and harmony, but with Mercury retrograding in your sign, you may feel like you have multiple personalities all trying to talk simultaneously! You won’t understand what you’re saying, but this too shall pass, and quickly. If you have legal matters and contracts to sign, try to wait until after the retrograde cycle: It’s over by Oct. 3, and you’ll be back to business. The energy is fast and furious, and you will get a lot done!


SCORPIO (October 23–November 23)

Take this time to write that mystery novel you have wanted to write. It’s based on real-life — your life — and it does no good just packed away in a corner somewhere. Get out that antique typewriter you love and peck away. The energy is shifting for you; this is the time of year you shine. You’ll feel more social by Halloween, and we’ll be happy to have you back!


SAGITTARIUS (November 23–December 22)

You kids are feeling frisky and ready for fall. It’s time for a new pair of running shoes, because you’ll need to keep up with all the upcoming action! Don’t over-extend yourself by volunteering for every upcoming event; save some of your energy and time to make yourself presentable so everyone knows you’re the brightest star! If you feel sensitive, try not to wear your heart on your sleeve.


CAPRICORN (December 22–January 20)

You’ve saved the day so many times, you may feel you can’t swallow the lack of gratitude this time! So speak up now, or forever hold your peace. Pluto is retrograding in your sign, prompting you to stand up for yourself like never before, and you’re ready to explode and unleash all the things you’ve been holding back. You are generous to a fault — and that is your fault!


AQUARIUS (January 20–February 19)

The energy you’re experiencing is like the movie “Groundhog Day”: Expecting change, but each day remains the same. Do something different! Your fear of the unknown has kept you in this matrix of repetition and monotony. You’re bored out of your mind, but you don’t have to be! Do something different. A new day is dawning, and you are now ready to see what is out there. Once you’re on the road, you will wonder what took you so long to get there!


PISCES (February 19–March 21)

Little fish, all the upstream swimming was never necessary. But you had to try so you could prove to yourself you’re strong. What a crock of mackerel! The martyr in you loves the sympathy and the praise, but it’s time to go the fastest and easiest route. Save yourself from overdoing it and missing all the fun fall brings. You might embark on a new adventure that leads to romance and travel. Pack light; you may need very few clothes where you are going!

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